Remote profile

"In stock market news, Fenwick Toilet Tissue reached a new bottom."

"Did you eat my chocolate in the
cupboard?"

"No. On the couch."

I like a singer who can go "fah."

Ed unfit if nude.

Doctor: "Relax, William. Everything will be OK."

Patient: "But my name is Fred."

Doctor: I know. I'm William."

Meditate? Why not. It's better than sitting around doing nothing.

"Trees here in Maine are lovely," Sandy opined.

Imbibing can lead to disease. Bartenders, fortunately, have shots for that.

"If you need me, I'll be up with the choir," David said loftily.

Sweet potatoes have yam sessions.

Was the September Renaissance Faire as good as the one Gala had?

The new zoo attendant will be porcufine.

The sorceress wand me over.

Since she was a perfect match, she could always light my fire.

Man I met slid off a daffodil stem in a.m.

Lloyd saves the toothbrush from his annual checkup in case a lady sleeps over. So far he has 17.

"Who do you plan to be at the corporate Halloween bash?"

"I'm going as Harry Potter's Godfather."

"You can't be Sirius!"

Bach Chorale: the place behind the barn where the horses go.

In art school, Chelsea was drawn to bad decisions.

Designing nuns' clothing is habit forming.

Every morning, Caesar was dressing.

"Xs and," Tish said wisely.

Any more breakfast puns and I'm toast!

Never ask a pianist to join you outside in the alley. You're not Rachmaninoff.

The Carson's new entryway is adoorable.

That's a lot o' cheddar, Jack.

Cain beat his brother as long as he was Abel.

"I did, did I?"

Transposition; preferring clothing of the opposite sex.

The wife left a "this isn't working" note on my PS4.

Hit the switch and all is thankfully fine!