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BREAKING: nation surprised to learn David Walliams hasn't already been yewtree'd

an Oura ring but it's a cock ring

I'm 41, all celebrity news sounds like this:

STEPPING OUT: TWI$TY AND XXYLO CAUGHT FRANKING A BUNT

wtf is frisbee cricket, just hug, it's fine if you want to hug its ok

200 bucks worth of cat beds in my house and my cat still carries this old oven glove around to sleep on

i avoided a midlife crisis by making my whole life a crisis

procrastination has got so bad i have to trick myself into thinking scrolling my socials is absolutely the most important thing in my day so then i will avoid it and do some actual work instead, in cbt that's called reframing probably i dunno

spiking my condom like a football after we finish