Conversation

If someone told me, "Luna, we can't have you in the tech room because we think you'll break the machinery just from being near it, because you are a woman," at this point in my life I'd probably punch them.

But "we can't let you in the women's area bc men are rapey," my dudes, your head is NOT IN THE GAME.

Yes, men ARE rapey. But in feminism-land, we've had four waves of feminism across 100 years of women policing other women on how to not be a shit woman. And how to not reinforce harmful stereotypes. And huge debates about whether or not it's ok to fit that stereotype if that's how you actually want to be! (wrt to things like nurturing and homemaking.)

There wouldn't have to BE segregated women's spaces after 100 years of men being like, "hey dude that's kinda rapey, can you not? Women hate us enough as it is!"

To be crystal clear, no, I do not mean that suddenly we should force spaces everywhere to be coed without deep and fundamental changes in culture, rules, and how rules are enforced. I chose the word "rapey" because that covers ALL of the behaviors. If anyone (regardless of gender) so much as jokes about touching anyone else without consent, they should be "put in the box," where they're not allowed to be near anyone until some successful process of remediation has been completed.

And that's going to take generations.

But much longer if we don't start imagining that world right now. Which was my intent. Which was my lightbulb moment this morning of "this is ass-backward — why in the hell does it have to be this way in the first place?"

In short, gender is a construct. The way it's constructed now is bullshit. I do not believe men as a class are biologically wired to be rapey. I think (with a few exceptions), culture and NOT biology has made men this way. I'm questioning the aspects of our culture that we take for granted which are not healthy for anyone. I'm appealing to any men who care to take this personally and take it up as a common cause.

This isn't a troll. These are things I actually believe. And I'm glad I believe them. These are hard-won beliefs after a lifetime of pain, careful examination, discussion, and listening to a wide variety of voices. I'm willing to calmly discuss the nuances of my position, but at the core it is simple:

Men don't have to be rapey.

This shouldn't be controversial to anyone, but especially not to anyone on the left.